The Hot Dog – Without Prejudice

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NO MORE. All you people who hate my DOG, I will not stand by as so many feel the need to denigrate the ”hot dog”. The Vegans and healthiest of human salad munchers try to tell me almost daily I am eating nothing more than a prodigious amount of beak and eyelid…

Sound gross?

Indeed it does… but I am here to defend my most favourite food of all foods and my credibility cannot be questioned. My sophisticated palate is the challenger, and I am in the rare position to say I have tasted wine in the thousand dollar range, fine dining on yachts and in 5 star eating establishments with all sorts of dignitaries, politicians and thespians and I am more often than not craving a simple hot dog, even good old Warren Buffet prefers a hot dog and a cherry coke.

Hot Dog is also spelled hotdog and comes in many varieties; like the corn dog that is dipped in corn batter and deep fried, or the wieners and beans combo… my son’s fav; a cheesy Kraft Dinner with hot dog slices… or my wife’s favourite; a hot dog stand that serves traditional “street meat” (provided its parked outside a shoe store), you know the stand -they are often depicted in late night cop shows as being the food of choice for the beat detective.

The hot dog was perceived as the working class street food, originating from Germany as it turns out, and is now as much a part of American culture as Tim Horton’s is to Canadians far and wide. All sorts of condiments for this delectable flaunter are wide ranging; my personal favourite is the Pizza Dog, but if I were to list the many varieties and combinations this writing would slip into a long “blog” category much like the dog slips into its role as a piggy in a blanket.

All I am trying to do here is convey to my readers that hot dogs are quite simply the best food in the food hemisphere and not by opinion but factually – as it’s always in the numbers. Did you know that on Independence Day, Americans will enjoy 150 million hot dogs, enough to stretch from D.C. to L.A. more than five times?

During peak hot dog season, from Memorial Day to Labor Day, Americans typically consume 7 billion hot dogs. That’s 818 hot dogs consumed every second during that period. These are just a few American stats, again I can post more countries and more statistics but I gotta stay away from turning this into a term paper but one last stat as a Boston red sox fan, I am obligated to mention when it comes to sausage at ballparks, the Boston Red Sox are the sausage kings as in 2014, they sold 607,500 hot dogs! The Red Sox are followed by the Yankees with 510,000 and the San Francisco Giants with 400,000. Overall, fans consumed more than 5.5 million sausages in 2014.

There it is folk’s. Now here are 3 reasons why you cannot deny the Doggie:

1. The Hot Dog has history, you know it, I know it, why challenge it, it’s ok. We will support all you closet hot dog fans as soon as you divulge your truth and that truth is you have a love for Frankie; you have systematically become to know the hot dog like a relative. Thessaly you are bound to the dog, just like the smells of spring and summer loosen the chastity of teens and how snow invokes a holiday sensation that deprives your brain of all rational and conventional spending, the hot dog is always in your life, and will remain, so welcome it.

2. Secondly, it’s an inexpensive way to entertain kids. A stick and a fire, giving you reprieve from screaming child, allows you to feel accomplished while enjoying your friends, whilst drinking beers or cherry cokes in the perfect campground selected by hours of circling and navigating smoke, while laughter tempts you like lint to a popsicle forcing you to make an impulsive decision in the all too important campground selection. Maybe it’s a birthday party your hosting for the kids, what do you say? Pizza and Hamburgers (NO)!! You do not! Its Pizza and Hot Dogs. So is it not time to take a bite size admission pill? You love Frankie.

3. Third and most importantly, they’re delicious. You can dress them as you like: Mexi dog, chili dog, breakfast dog, pizza dog , Japa dog…whatever your wish is the dogs desire.

See the hot dog just wants to give you the love you deserve after growing up with you for all those years just because old Aunty Agnes smells like Nyquil and cheap acrylic sweaters doesn’t mean you don’t love her anymore… another words you grew outta Aunty Agnes but you must pay this cranberry jelly making women homage and if this was not enough to convince you and your still a hater the evidence that cannot be argued is it takes a wiener and a bun to make a life. So, please friends, don’t refute my argument, don’t sling the mud and don’t harass posters covered in mustard dripping moments with their favourite meat of choice, quite frankly it’s just uncivilized.

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